My First Inspiration
You are the person that inspire me,
with your charming and adoring smile.
You are the mountain breeze that comforted me,
and warmed me for a while.
Whenever there are thunderstorms in life that brought suffering
you told me to continue to struggle and to fight.
You are the warm sunshine which gives me happiness,
but disappears later at night.
You are like melody coming from the silent heart,
you were like a constellation of sparkling stars appearing like a work of art.
But you will always be,
my inspiration for strength and bravery.
Only for me to gaze and stare,
to fill my life with tender loving care.
You were my only companion when tragedy fell,
you are an illusion, an enchantment, a magic love spell
But sometimes, i was abandoned, lonely in the dark.
then you came into my corner and gave your enchanting golden spark.
You have the right flavour, not mischievous nor rude,
so I want to thank you for your pleasing gratitude.
During anxious times, you cheered me up with your voice.
so I have chosen you as my one and only choice.
You love is too infinite, I cannot explain it nor tell,
you were always my protection, you were my guardian angel.
So that was why you will always be,
my inspiration for strength and bravery.
Only for me to gaze and stare,
and to forever fill my life with tender loving care.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey there! Kat's here for a review!
Welcome aboard to YWS!
So first of all, here on YWS we have a 2:1 policy. It means that you should do two reviews for every work you post. That keeps the reviews rollin' .
So, on to the review!
This is really good. I adored it. The description was wonderful. I could felt what you fell when you're with that person.
But I found two problems and a minor mistake. So, the minor mistake is that some I's aren't capitalize. That's important because it's nice to read a poem that doesn't has grammar mistakes.
One of the problems: the flow. It's really messed up. In a poem, it's good to keep a certain flow. To help that, you can try to keep a defined length of lines.
The other problem: some of your rhymes seemed forced.
I love this line. But it's hard to read because of the difference of the length.
So, that's pretty much it. Hope I helped!
*Kat*
P.S: PM me if you need anything
I really liked that. Very nice.
I do have one suggestion though.
In your first stanza, you use the word "warm" twice. The first time to describe the mountain breeze and the other to describe the sunshine. I suggest that you change one of those.
Over all, it was a really nice poem.
Keep up the good work!